Homeschooling, as I have been finding out to my great surprise, is not for the faint of heart. Actually, nothing about motherhood is for the faint of heart. Sometime in the dim past I thought being a mom would be so easy. I loved babies and children. I had lots of experience with babysitting. I knew how to cook. I had this down cold. Then I had my first baby. Suddenly I realized that I knew so very little, and that while babysitting is good experience it doesn't even come close to preparing someone for being a 24/7 mommy.
Flash forward fifteen years and eight babies. I know so much more, but the most important thing I've learned is how little I really know. Baby #7 was and still is a huge challenge. Adding him to our school life took so much energy because he only wanted human arms - no swings, baby rockers, etc. Thankfully I had long since been comfortable wearing my babies so that helped. Still though it's tiring to teach five children of various ages, keep a preschooler happy and wear a baby. By the end of the 2011-2012 school year I was a little tired of school. Of course, my newest pregnancy was probably contributing to the fatigue.
I started school a couple of weeks earlier than usual in August 2012 so we could take extra time off when our new baby arrived sometime around the end of the year. Things were going pretty well until I started having complications with the pregnancy in late October and had to severely cut back on outings, housework, any activity really. After a difficult two months we finally welcomed our new little one just before 2013 started.
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| at 10 pounds they're still small |
Baby #7 was not impressed with our new addition, who incidentally has been our easiest baby. He is happy and laid back with a beautiful dimple in each cheek. However, I was tired - tired of school, tired of always trying to figure out why my toddler was crying this time, tired of marking papers and being on a schedule, tired of never having time to sew, just plain tired. I don't know if this was burnout or just some heavy post partum fatigue due to a difficult third trimester.
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| check out the dimples |
When school ended in early June I think I was happier than all of our children combined. Usually we do a little math three to four days a week just to keep up on the basics. This summer I decided that we'd just do some extra review in the fall. Then the reading lessons I was doing with my kindergartener slowly petered out over the summer. It was only about twenty minutes in the morning, but it started to feel like a burden.
I finally decided I needed to give myself some grace. It's okay if my children forget a few facts over the summer. It's perfectly fine if it takes my third son a little longer to learn how to read than it did his older siblings. If I want to sew because I enjoy it that's okay too - especially since so much of what I make is for my children anyway. I needed to try to not be so perfect for a while.
You know how it is. You read this and that blog. Their lives look so perfect and you think you have to implement ideas x, y and z to be the perfect mother. But that is such an unattainable goal. I needed to give myself the grace to quit trying to be perfect or to implement every idea that I thought would make our lives easier. I needed to relax and enjoy my family. So that's what I did this summer.
I did so much sewing. I love to sew and was surprised at how much I accomplished when I gave myself permission to just go at it. I went on errands with my husband when he was off work...something I can't do during the school year. Who knew grocery shopping could be a date? It was fun. We enjoyed lots of time together this summer. I let thoughts for a new chore system perk in my brain until I came up with something workable the week before we started school. And I slowly here and there started preparing for a new school year but without much enthusiasm.
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| one of my sewing projects |
About two days before we were to start school I was finally getting excited. The children were excited to start a new year. My toddler is settling down so much. He's easier to keep occupied and the baby has worked into our school life quite easily.
So I've come to the conclusion that I should have given myself a dose of grace a long time ago. I'm so much more relaxed now than I was just a few months ago. I feel like I've had a fresh start. Our first week of school has been the best week I remember having in a long time. I had been feeling like I couldn't go on with homeschooling, but now I think I'm ready for another good long while. That's a good thing since I probably have almost another twenty years of it.
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| getting set up |
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| starting her Bible lesson |
Next time I'm feeling burned out I'm going to step back and see where I need to introduce some grace into my life.
How has homeschooling gone for you? Have you felt burned out and what helped?
Oh my goodness, this is SO, SO good...This was really encouraging to me: "So I've come to the conclusion that I should have given myself a dose of grace a long time ago. I'm so much more relaxed now than I was just a few months ago. I feel like I've had a fresh start." That is very appealing! I need to be refreshed and having more grace for myself (and digging out my sewing machine) seem like great places to start :)
ReplyDeleteDawn from http://www.ithinkwecouldbefriends.com
I never tried homeschooling with my children but expect it can be quite challenging at times. Give yourself a much needed break once in a while. As you've seen, it works wonders for the busy lives we have.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I am not a homeschooler, I am an active teacher to my kids, I take their education very seriously and since only one is actually old enough to be in school I spend hours incorporating educational play into my day. And it can be hard. And Grace is a necessary component daily! I tend to need to carve out time to read, which is what I blog about. And there are times when I just let it all go, just go with the flow for a couple of days then play catch up when my energy allows. It is all alright. I know that I'm loving on my kids and giving them healthy meals and trying, and that is enough. Thanks for sharing your struggles...
ReplyDeleteMarissa
http://forfunreadinglist.blogspot.com
After homeschooling (for three years) my 17 year old daughter with moderate cerebral palsy, she just went back to public school. It was a heartbreaking decision. I knew I could do better for her academically and preparing her for life in general, but I knew she was losing out socially and in preparing for life with some sort of job. I needed to constantly show myself some grace when we homeschooled those three years (which we loved!). But, I find myself reaching out for grace even more now that I sent her back...back to the lions of public school. Thanks for the permission to give myself some grace today. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad this was a help. It took me so long, too long, to learn this lesson. School is so much better this year.
ReplyDeleteMarie, anything we do as mothers is challenging. :) And for some reasons it's hard for us to take a break.
ReplyDeleteMarissa, you're right. My husband keeps reminding me that if the children are fed and happy we've had a good day. It's hard to remember that if you've taught your children anything that day you've done your job even if everyone thing else didn't get done. :)
ReplyDeleteKereith, I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that decision was for you. Sometimes parenting just seems way too hard - hence the need for grace. Trusting all goes well for you and your daughter.
ReplyDeleteWow, 8 kids, I take my hat off to you. And I'm also a little jealous of your fertility!
ReplyDeleteI am glad you had a summer break, you needed to re charge your batteries, I used to be a teacher and I needed my holidays.
Heather, I'm finally realizing that as a mom you're teaching all the time no matter what so, yes, I should break in the summer from all formal schooling.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine being a mother of 8. Then again, I'm a public school teacher and know the effort it takes to teach a lot of kids at different levels of learning. We all need grace.
ReplyDeleteWow, yes, you need to give yourself grace. :) I homeschooled our two until high school, and regret sending them to public school at that point. I was burnt out, and didn't do it for the right reasons. But God is our Redeemer, and I have to keep reminding myself that He will redeem the situation. :)
ReplyDeleteI grew up in a family of 8 and oh what a joy it was. I love big families. I was not blessed with as many children as I wanted, but it's so good to see good parents and families changing the world.
ReplyDeleteboltoncarley, all the levels are challenging but I have developed a system for coping that I keep refining.
ReplyDeleteSheila G., I think I caught my burnout in time. God does have a way of turning difficult situations into something good.
Lisa, thank you for your kind words about the size of our family. Not everyone is so positive. We love all the noise, love, busyness, etc. that comes from having so many children.
I don't homeschool, but I can totally understand the burn out. We have burn outs in all aspects of life...and it's always good to take a "grace period" for yourself. That way you come back refreshed and ready to tackle it again!
ReplyDeleteI'm not a home schooler, but I like your idea of a dose of grace. I retired in June and tried to get through a long list of projects. But I broke my foot last week and I've had to give myself a dose of grace, and somewhat surprisingly I am really enjoying my less active time. I focus on writing and am loving it.
ReplyDeleteBritton, yes that's how it happened for me. I was refreshed and ready to teach again.
ReplyDeleteCarol Z., it's surprising how much we can learn when we slow down. We can learn new things and focus ourselves in other ways. It feels good.
I don't home school but certainly applaud the parents who do this. And you are able to use God and the bible in your teachings. I am happy you applied some grace in your life and allowed refreshment to enter. Sometimes we just have to stop and breathe.
ReplyDeleteCee Collins, yes, taking time to breathe...to step back and evaluate where priorities need to be. This summer has been so good for me to see how I was making life unnecessarily hard for me and my children. It's been good to slow down and refresh.
ReplyDeleteI just started homeschooling my three but I totally understand what you're saying. Before I started this adventure, I would still read blogs and news articles and see all the amazing things these people were doing. I read Todd Wilson's book, "Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe" as I was researching this fun adventure and it prompted me to write about my own failures on my blog, just to show people what *doesn't* get written. (If you want to laugh at me for a few minutes, take a look at the unfilitered me over here: http://wandawhoopiecushion.blogspot.ca/2013/03/best-foot-forward.html
ReplyDeleteAnyway, we all need to extend a little grace to each other and to ourselves. Thanks for bringing this to light. I'm sure it'll come in handy over the next few days/weeks/months/years. :-)
I don't know much about homeschooling, but it would seem you need a break or some grace. Teachers at everyday schools get summers off, so why shouldn't you? It refreshes you and it's obviously something that helped! Give yourself that time as it's needed!
ReplyDeleteMy sisters homeschool, but I don't. I have 5 children, and I can only imagine how you felt. You need to take breaks and just enjoy the family for a while! Good for you! The kids will remember this past summer and how they had a relaxing time as a family. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine. Just reading that made me tired. But I think we all need to allow ourselves to step back regularly and take a moment for ourselves. (even if that moment is a couple months long because its so overdue!!!)
ReplyDeleteWe moms can be extremely hard on ourselves, homeschooling moms are no exception. A little (sometimes alot!) of grace is just the prescription needed. Thank you for the reminder. And thank you for being so courageous as to open up and let us see it in your own life.
ReplyDeleteI'm a homeschooling mom, we've just started our 23rd year! We also have 8 children, but schooling just the youngest 4 now.
Oh, yes, I've had those burned out times. Letting things go, as you described has always been a big help. I sometimes put unrealistic expectations on myself and my children, or I get caught up in the 'supposed' perfection I see in other families. Remembering why we do what we do, and what our ultimate goals are help me get back to where I need to be.
I pray you have a wonderful school year!
Wow...you're doing a great job! It's so wonderful to hear about big families...and homeschooling at that! I completely understand your need for sewing. I just feel happier when I'm making something with my hands...so rewarding!...especially when I get overwhelmed with the tasks around the house that never end!
ReplyDeleteGood for you to give yourself that much needed, much appreciated extra grace!
I love your expression of giving yourself grace. It's an important thing to remember as a mom as we are always so busy giving grace to others, we sometimes forget ourselves. I don't homeschool, but I am a teacher and it is a hard job. There have definitely been years that I have been burned out by June. I'm so glad the summer refreshed you and you gave yourself grace. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteSounds like a break this summer was just what you needed. Us mom's are too hard on ourselves!I agree that grocery shopping can be a date! Glad you are facing the new school year refreshed. Your children are beautiful BTW!
ReplyDeleteWanda, I enjoyed the post you mentioned in your comment. It's so nice to know that someone else isn't perfect. :)
ReplyDeleteP.J., I know wisdom says to take some time off, but sometimes I let my perfectionism get the better of me. I'm glad I finally let go of it this summer for a little while at least.
ReplyDeleteTammy, I have to keep reminding myself that knowing how to have fun and relax is just as important as knowing that 1 + 1 = 2. :)
ReplyDeleteLisa, Why is taking time for ourselves so hard even when it's what we need so badly? Hopefully I'm learning this lesson.
ReplyDeleteLinda, It's so nice to hear from another mom with 8 children who homeschools - 23 years! I'm just taking it a day at a time right now. If I start thinking about all the years I have left I think it would scare me. :)
Monica, Yes, doing a sewing project that ends is rewarding so many mommy jobs - feeding, cleaning, laundry, etc. never end. Sewing projects are tangible results.
Keepingthemeinmommy, You get into such a mode of taking care of everyone else that sometimes I forget to take care of me. Hopefully I'm learning.
Amanda, I think my children are beautiful too. Thanks for the comment.
We all need a break - we can be our worst critics you are doing an amazing job - take your breaks.
ReplyDeleteDanielle - too true.
ReplyDeleteI could never imagine have 8 children! Your are a strong woman! I also couldn't imagine sending 8 children to school everyday! I can imagine getting burned out but you are doing the right thing!
ReplyDeleteHow lovely! I've been learning myself, as it sounds like you have, not to just force myself thru the burdensome times but to stop, ponder, and listen. Grace can be hard to apply to ourselves, can't it? We gave ourselves the summer of grace you've mentioned and our fall homeschool has been better than ever. Blessings to you!
ReplyDelete:)Wren
I don't homeschool nor do I plan on it. But it's what works best for our family. I do a lot of home activities to encourage learning. But if I need a day off, we just have fun. And I don't feel guilty about it. Fun is important in kids' lives too :)
ReplyDeleteAmy, Eight children is a lot of work, but I added them one at a time so I gradually built up to it. ;)
ReplyDeleteFinchnwren, Making myself stop and not just push through has been a hard lesson. I think having to slow down in my last pregnancy started helping me see the value of this.
Heather, I agree. I want my children to have fun memories too.
Sounds like taking a break was the perfect solution for you and your kids.
ReplyDeleteI have HUGE admiration for anyone who homeschools!
I'm not a homeschooler. My children are all adults and they went to public school. I do teach at our community college and have learned that I need a break during the summer and I take it. A couple of weeks before fall classes start I get back into my teaching frame of mind. Having young adults and some older ones is more of a challenge than I envisioned when I started. Hats off to you for keeping it all together.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, I don't even know what to say. You amaze me! I am a stay at home mom to two first graders who are not homeschooled. And I complain. Alot. I complain about being tired and not having enough hours in the day and being too busy. The next time I start to complain, I'm going to remind myself of your post and stop complaining. Have a wonderful school year!
ReplyDeleteJanine, It was the perfect solution. I wish I had done it long ago.
ReplyDeleteSandra Lee, Moms are always teaching whether we homeschool or not so I think that's one reason why I truly needed to give myself some down time. Teaching is hard work.
Cindy Howell, I think it's all a matter or perspective. I admire moms who send their children to school every day. I can't imagine having to have everyone ready in time for school with homework in their bags and lunches not forgotten. :)
I don't homeschool, but I stay home with my kids a few days a week, so I know a little of what you are talking about. I completely agree with you - we all need to give ourselves a little grace every once in awhile. It is so easy to get caught up in everything going on and it's always good to step back.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a homeschooler, but as a mother, it's hard to give ourselves grace. Our families rely on us so much, but sometimes you do have to step back and make sure you spend a little time on your own interests. It's good for you and good for the kids to see. Sewing is one way I get my me-time too.
ReplyDeleteRachel - It is easy to get caught up and hard to step back.
ReplyDeleteNarelle - It's actually good for our families when we have some me-time. We get refreshed and ready to work more.
Homeschooling with 8 children! My hat goes off to you! I only have 3 and after much prayer and speaking with other moms I just couldn't do it. At least, not yet. The overwhelmed feeling I had to struggle with a lot like you when my youngest was born, I had two back to back, and it really did me in, there for a while. We don't meet our expectations, and we kind of get hung up on that. Wonderful post, thank you!
ReplyDeleteMichelle Jones - I think as mothers we set the standard for ourselves unrealistically high. It's hard to not be "perfect", but I think our families our happier when we lower our expectations a little.
ReplyDeleteAlways good to step back and take some time to just be...it helps you enjoy the now more. Hope this year goes well for all!
ReplyDeleteI'm very intrigued by homeschooling. I was a public school teacher, and know what it feels like to be burnt out. We all need a break to get refreshed and centered. Glad to hear it helped set the new school year off right! You are amazing!
ReplyDeleteWow...I've never homeschooled my kids...All went to a Public School, graduate with great success my daughter in a RN, my son 2nd year med student and my youngest 1yr law school.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't even imagine a day yours...I commend you for raising kids and teaching.
I'm not a believer in homeschooling. I feel children should have the interaction with other students and the involvement with school activities such as sports, music, art etc.
So again I commend you you are a real supermom because I could never have done the things you are doing.
Sarah - This year is going better. I think because I've been refreshed I can handle all the little problems that come up.
ReplyDeleteKelly Joseph - I love teaching so homeschooling was a given for me. :)
You have your hands full to the brim and as many persons have agreed, you needed to do something for you, and it made a huge difference to how you felt.
ReplyDeleteYou are giving all the time so it's good to be able to find a balance where you step back and rejuvenate yourself. You sound like a wonderful, loving mother and wife!
I am planning to homeschool but that is still a little while out for us. However, I do know the feeling of pushing myself too far in the pursuit of perfection. It is very true when they say "If Momma isn't happy, nobody is happy." I've learned to take time for myself and my needs, even if it occasionally means that my children's needs wait an extra moment or two.
ReplyDeleteYvonne - Finding that balance is so hard, but I keep trying.
ReplyDeleteAndrea - It's true. If I'm cranky it trickles down to everyone, and since one of my children's needs is to have a happy mom I shouldn't feel guilty about taking some time to make that happen.
Hi Jennifer. Great post. My only child, a daughter, is now 32 years old so I have no little ones in the house to home school. When she was very little, I wanted to home school her. However, we lived in California at the time and, by law, you had to be a certified teacher in order to home school. Well, that left me out.
ReplyDeleteI heard something this weekend about facebook, and I would probably add pinterest, being the cause of depression. As I read your post, I can see how that can happen.
It was bad enough when we, as women, compared ourselves to another sister at church who seemed to have it all together. I say 'seemed' because we never know what is going on behind her closed doors. Now, we are comparing ourselves to millions of other women by a tiny glimpse into their life. We look at their great recipes or housekeeping ideas on facebook or pinterest and think that they have it all together. Guess what. They probably aren't any more all together than we are. So, yes, Jennifer, I agree with you that we need to give ourselves more grace and do it often.
We will never win the battle if we compare ourselves to others. We do not know what is going on in their lives. We cannot assume because they make this one perfect recipe that everything in their life is perfect. It isn't. They have problems just like we do. They have challenges that try them, just like we do.
So, we only need to compare ourselves to ourselves. Are we progressing? Are we living a Christ centered life? Are we caring for our families with love?
Are we doing the best we can under our current circumstances?
These questions can help guide us as we move forward. And then, of course, we must ask our loving Heavenly Father for his help to do those things that he would have us do.
Thank you Jennifer for this great post and reminder.
Regina - It's so true what you said. We need to just make sure that we are doing what the Lord wants us to do and that we're doing the best we can at that. I pray so much for wisdom. I truly underestimated how difficult motherhood would be, but I still love it.
ReplyDeleteI admire you. I can not imagine homeschooling just my one child, let alone eight children all at different ages. I know that I could never do it.
ReplyDeleteI considered homeschooling for about 30 seconds and realized that it was just more than I could handle.
I agree, we know it all before we are in it. I too loved kids and babysat since a very young age. I wanted 5 boys and 1 girl. I had my first baby and she was a very difficult infant. Not at all the experience that I expected but wouldn't change any of it.
ReplyDeleteI have homeschooled my two boys from the beginning. They are in highschool and college now, both still being schooled at home. I have loved it. However, over the years, I would have worries that I wasn't doing enough, or teaching them what they were supposed to learn at that particular time. I really had frazzled moments. But I have learned that I worried for nothing and that my boys have become very mature, respectful, intelligent, God fearing young men. I thank God everyday for them and the opportunity he gave me to homeschool them.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your post! I think we as moms all do this - place WAY too high of expectations on ourselves sometimes. I know I do. I love to paint and create, and I get that frustrated feeling, too - when there's too much housework or homework to have time to do it. It helps so much just to give myself time to do something that I enjoy. Have a great school year!
ReplyDeletedogtrainingathometips - That is my prayer that our children grow up to be God-fearing, honest, productive and happy. Thanks for the encouragement.
ReplyDeleteKristen - I think that's why sewing is such a good hobby for me because I can do something for me but also for my family - it feels good.
Grace is such a beautiful thing and one of the best gifts offered by the Lord. I am always in awe of women who home school. It takes a certain type of woman to be able to do that. From what I read, I bet you are a great example of a proverbs wife. It's one of the best compliments I can give someone. =))
ReplyDeletecraftingafairytale.blogspot.com
Thank you, Tiffany. I hold Proverbs 31 up as a goal to keep striving for.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful post, grace is so important, to give to ourselves and to others!Your children are blessed to have you as their mom!
ReplyDeleteI was homeschooled from 4th to
ReplyDelete11th grade, and I LOVED it! Yes, there were days that my Mom was really tired, and we were all ready for the school year to be over, but I would never want it to be any different. :) Thank you for posting!
Nancy, Thank you for your kind words. It is easier to be gracious if we're not worn out because we took a little time for ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAshley, What a great testimony. I know for the most part my children enjoy being homeschooled. After all what's not to like about wearing your comfiest clothes to school and not worrying about what your hair looks like. :)
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It's always interesting to me to hear about families that home school because that isn't what my family did and I know very few families that had home schooled their children. It sounds like you did need a little bit of a break though and I'm glad to hear that you allowed yourself to have it!
ReplyDeleteGrace is something we all need to remember to give ourselves daily. It's easy to look at some moms and think they have it together and get down on ourselves because we feel like we don't. We need to be reminded that we're just doing the best we can and that's all we can do.
ReplyDeleteAnd, as I recently learned, you may think you look like a mess (which is totally fine) but to someone else, you look like you have it all together.
Perception is an amazing thing.
WOW! You're really BRAVE! I've toyed with the idea of homeschooling but never got around doing it..... You are so committed. Lucky Kids!
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm not a homeschooler, this post reminds me to extend grace to others and to myself. Everything does not need to be perfect all the time! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I don't have kids yet but I still need to remember to give myself grace sometimes too. No one can do it all and that is perfectly okay! I'm glad to hear that you have found a way to relax more, you deserve it, especially when you care for your kids so much.
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